This intentional gratefulness project is tougher than I thought. It shouldn't be. But it is. In theory being grateful everyday sounds like a "duh moment." In reality when I can't come up with a single thing to be grateful for something ugly in me is exposed.
The ungratefulness I carry in me is exposed. The entitlement issues I'm guessing I still have are exposed. The "downer debbie" part of me comes to the surface. The lack of joy and trust in God make an appearance. I think my struggles with depression are also exposed when I find it difficult to verbalize even one thing I am grateful for. I know that one way to combat the mild depression is to exercise gratefulness and when I can't seem to do it that's a red flag in my spirit. And the truth of the matter is lately I have been struggling with some mild depression again. If you know me well enough you have seen the signs - the lack of response time to phone calls, texts, FB messages, emails, etc. My inability to post on the 365 everyday. My withdrawal from social things. I know what I need to do to keep the pit from swallowing me but I still struggle with following through on doing those things. That was one reason for the Gratitude Attitude 365, to help me keep present and grateful in the midst of the heaviness my heart is walking through.
Ann Voscamp kept a running list throughout her days of her "1000 Gifts" (a friend of hers had asked her to jot down 1000 things she was grateful for.) and I thought I could do that but turns out I can't. I've got too much else to keep track of. So I'm going to keep doing what I have been, staying alert and aware to the small and large of my days and seeking out the grateful moments weaved within.
Thanks for listening, thanks for engaging and sharing your grateful moments (I LOVE that interaction - keep it coming!), thanks for being a part of my days.
The ungratefulness I carry in me is exposed. The entitlement issues I'm guessing I still have are exposed. The "downer debbie" part of me comes to the surface. The lack of joy and trust in God make an appearance. I think my struggles with depression are also exposed when I find it difficult to verbalize even one thing I am grateful for. I know that one way to combat the mild depression is to exercise gratefulness and when I can't seem to do it that's a red flag in my spirit. And the truth of the matter is lately I have been struggling with some mild depression again. If you know me well enough you have seen the signs - the lack of response time to phone calls, texts, FB messages, emails, etc. My inability to post on the 365 everyday. My withdrawal from social things. I know what I need to do to keep the pit from swallowing me but I still struggle with following through on doing those things. That was one reason for the Gratitude Attitude 365, to help me keep present and grateful in the midst of the heaviness my heart is walking through.
Ann Voscamp kept a running list throughout her days of her "1000 Gifts" (a friend of hers had asked her to jot down 1000 things she was grateful for.) and I thought I could do that but turns out I can't. I've got too much else to keep track of. So I'm going to keep doing what I have been, staying alert and aware to the small and large of my days and seeking out the grateful moments weaved within.
Thanks for listening, thanks for engaging and sharing your grateful moments (I LOVE that interaction - keep it coming!), thanks for being a part of my days.
Comments
Post a Comment