I suppose one reason inside jokes make me feel grateful is because I feel included. And feeling included is something I wrestle with. But I'm more grateful for inside jokes because they speak of a history between the people who are in on it. And I'm such a history person. I love having history with my relationships, I love building history with my relationships. Inside jokes feel like an embrace at just the right time depending on the day.
There are two probable origins for this idiom and I think both are equally plausible. The first one is that when you spread butter on bread you are buttering it up like one would do when trying to flatter someone. The second is in ancient India there was a practice of throwing balls of butter at statues to ask for favor, i.e. buttering them up. ( source ) When we use the phrase today we generally mean that extreme flattery is used to gain information or favor. It's not always necessarily a compliment.
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