I suppose one reason inside jokes make me feel grateful is because I feel included. And feeling included is something I wrestle with. But I'm more grateful for inside jokes because they speak of a history between the people who are in on it. And I'm such a history person. I love having history with my relationships, I love building history with my relationships. Inside jokes feel like an embrace at just the right time depending on the day.
I've been thinking about it for over a month. Usually, when I'm in it I'm engaged. But this time? I started it indifferent and I've felt indifferent all along. I should have never started. Hindsight is 20/20 they say and they aren't wrong. So when I opened my eyes this morning it was clear. It's time. Time to quit this 365. This is the first 365 that I haven't posted several of the days, the first 365 that I wasn't super excited about, the first 365 that I've quit. I've changed my social media presence and interactions the past year so this is also the first 365 that hardly anyone has been interested in. Is it the topic or my decision to not be as accessible on social media? Or is it some other reason altogether? Well, regardless...I'm throwing in the towel on this one. I can't say if I'll ever do another 365 again. Time will tell and I will know if and when it's time.
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