Your fear of displeasing people puts you in bondage to them, and they become your primary focus....If pleasing people is your goal, you will be enslaved to them. People can be harsh taskmasters when you give them this power over you. Sarah Young, Jesus Calling May 2-3
If you fear other people, you are walking into a dangerous trap; but if you trust in the Eternal, you will be safe. The Holy Bible, The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 29 Verse 25, The Voice Version
Today's quote(s) are a topic I am very familiar with. In fact I call myself a recovering people pleaser and if you have known me for a length of time and are familiar with my story then you know my label is pretty accurate. Once upon a time I was in bondage to people. I strived to keep peace at any and all costs, usually to myself. I worked hard to make sure people viewed me favorably. I never wanted to rock the boat so I owned blame that wasn't mine to own. All of this people pleasing was a trap and I walked right into it. Ironically enough it was a person who was supposed to be counseling me but was instead keeping me in bondage to people pleasing that finally opened my eyes. This person and their family took advantage of my struggle, used me and my people pleasing ways for their gain, and when it didn't suit them anymore they threw me under the bus and walked away. Those were some dark days. (I wrote some about it here, here, and here in case you are curious.) But I learned a lot from those days and I actually wouldn't trade them for anything, God was in them and used those dark days to refine me and make me more into who he created me to be. I emerged from that bondage a stronger person, a better person, and a wiser person. And now I do what I can to teach others how to avoid the trap and bondage of people pleasing.
When we are attempting to please people we are not being true to ourselves. We are also not being true to God. Just as we forsake ourselves we also forsake God. We cannot be so focused on one person and their "happiness" and also be focused on God. Someone loses every time and if we are stuck in people pleasing it is God who loses every time. In our attempts to not rock the boat we will resort to lying (but try to justify it), covering up (again, we try to justify that also), assigning to God behavior that isn't his to own (because we are so desperate for approval), etc. Anything sound familiar? Maybe it doesn't because you can't see it. Usually we are also blind to our people pleasing ways. But deep down, under the surface of life, we know. Right? Your spirit is unsettled, you feel like you walk on eggshells most of the time, you are overly concerned with what people are thinking about you, you lay awake at night with your stomach in knots and your palms sweaty because you think the person you are trying to placate the most is upset with you over some reason you have made up based on the furrow of their brow, etc. Right? Been there, done that, know what it looks like so don't try and fool me. (Recovering people pleaser, remember?)
Recently I was in Genesis and studying the story of Leah and Rachel. Leah was the sister given to Jacob in secret. He wanted Rachel but was apparently too drunk to realize who he was sleeping next to on his wedding night. That's a whole different blog. *grin* Anyway, poor Leah. She just wanted to be loved. So she was working hard to win Jacob over. My guess, from reading her story, is that she was practicing all the people pleasing ways. Eventually it caught up with her and became a trap but at one point in her story she got it right. You can find that part of her story here. Leah's attempts to win the love of Jacob are all to familiar. In our human nature we usually do what we can to win someone over - whatever we think will make them love us. I call it people pleasing. But we can't win people over no matter what. Eventually we get to where Leah did in verse 35. She finally quit trying to win Jacob's love and instead focused on God. Once we do that our priorities begin to realign and our spirits settle down. When we strive to people please our spirits are unsettled and our priorities are distorted. When we are pleasing people nobody is pleased at all.
Anything about today's quote(s) resonate in your heart? Are you in bondage to people pleasing (which the Bible calls fear of man btw)? Not sure how to extract yourself from the cycle of people pleasing? I'd love to talk, message me.
If you fear other people, you are walking into a dangerous trap; but if you trust in the Eternal, you will be safe. The Holy Bible, The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 29 Verse 25, The Voice Version
Today's quote(s) are a topic I am very familiar with. In fact I call myself a recovering people pleaser and if you have known me for a length of time and are familiar with my story then you know my label is pretty accurate. Once upon a time I was in bondage to people. I strived to keep peace at any and all costs, usually to myself. I worked hard to make sure people viewed me favorably. I never wanted to rock the boat so I owned blame that wasn't mine to own. All of this people pleasing was a trap and I walked right into it. Ironically enough it was a person who was supposed to be counseling me but was instead keeping me in bondage to people pleasing that finally opened my eyes. This person and their family took advantage of my struggle, used me and my people pleasing ways for their gain, and when it didn't suit them anymore they threw me under the bus and walked away. Those were some dark days. (I wrote some about it here, here, and here in case you are curious.) But I learned a lot from those days and I actually wouldn't trade them for anything, God was in them and used those dark days to refine me and make me more into who he created me to be. I emerged from that bondage a stronger person, a better person, and a wiser person. And now I do what I can to teach others how to avoid the trap and bondage of people pleasing.
When we are attempting to please people we are not being true to ourselves. We are also not being true to God. Just as we forsake ourselves we also forsake God. We cannot be so focused on one person and their "happiness" and also be focused on God. Someone loses every time and if we are stuck in people pleasing it is God who loses every time. In our attempts to not rock the boat we will resort to lying (but try to justify it), covering up (again, we try to justify that also), assigning to God behavior that isn't his to own (because we are so desperate for approval), etc. Anything sound familiar? Maybe it doesn't because you can't see it. Usually we are also blind to our people pleasing ways. But deep down, under the surface of life, we know. Right? Your spirit is unsettled, you feel like you walk on eggshells most of the time, you are overly concerned with what people are thinking about you, you lay awake at night with your stomach in knots and your palms sweaty because you think the person you are trying to placate the most is upset with you over some reason you have made up based on the furrow of their brow, etc. Right? Been there, done that, know what it looks like so don't try and fool me. (Recovering people pleaser, remember?)
Recently I was in Genesis and studying the story of Leah and Rachel. Leah was the sister given to Jacob in secret. He wanted Rachel but was apparently too drunk to realize who he was sleeping next to on his wedding night. That's a whole different blog. *grin* Anyway, poor Leah. She just wanted to be loved. So she was working hard to win Jacob over. My guess, from reading her story, is that she was practicing all the people pleasing ways. Eventually it caught up with her and became a trap but at one point in her story she got it right. You can find that part of her story here. Leah's attempts to win the love of Jacob are all to familiar. In our human nature we usually do what we can to win someone over - whatever we think will make them love us. I call it people pleasing. But we can't win people over no matter what. Eventually we get to where Leah did in verse 35. She finally quit trying to win Jacob's love and instead focused on God. Once we do that our priorities begin to realign and our spirits settle down. When we strive to people please our spirits are unsettled and our priorities are distorted. When we are pleasing people nobody is pleased at all.
Anything about today's quote(s) resonate in your heart? Are you in bondage to people pleasing (which the Bible calls fear of man btw)? Not sure how to extract yourself from the cycle of people pleasing? I'd love to talk, message me.
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