Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. Stephen Covey
Listening is one of the most important skills we can I have I think. And if we can teach ourselves to listen with the intent to understand then we are golden. But in order to do that I think we have to override the culture in which we live. In America (I can't speak for other countries) we have been taught (through non-verbals but modeling) to listen to reply/react. We haven't been shown how to listen for understanding. Oh we may say we are trying to but really we aren't. How do I know? What makes me so confident? Try this. The next time someone is talking check yourself. Are you thinking of rebuttals, replies, defenses, comments, etc that you can make when it is your turn to talk? It's okay. Be honest, nobody but you knows your answer but we all know the answer because 99% of us have to same one. So now that you see it try this. The next time someone is talking, actively listen to them and stop yourself from thinking of rebuttals, replies, defenses, comments, etc. Who knows what could happen! Btw, this is what the difference between a good counselor and one who isn't. A good counselor doesn't listen to reply but listens to understand. I've had both in my life and the counselor who listened to me with the intent to reply ended up betraying my trust on several levels because I didn't recognize until too late what they were doing. That's a lesson I always take away from this reminder as well. Listening to understand brings healing, listening to reply wounds.
Listening is one of the most important skills we can I have I think. And if we can teach ourselves to listen with the intent to understand then we are golden. But in order to do that I think we have to override the culture in which we live. In America (I can't speak for other countries) we have been taught (through non-verbals but modeling) to listen to reply/react. We haven't been shown how to listen for understanding. Oh we may say we are trying to but really we aren't. How do I know? What makes me so confident? Try this. The next time someone is talking check yourself. Are you thinking of rebuttals, replies, defenses, comments, etc that you can make when it is your turn to talk? It's okay. Be honest, nobody but you knows your answer but we all know the answer because 99% of us have to same one. So now that you see it try this. The next time someone is talking, actively listen to them and stop yourself from thinking of rebuttals, replies, defenses, comments, etc. Who knows what could happen! Btw, this is what the difference between a good counselor and one who isn't. A good counselor doesn't listen to reply but listens to understand. I've had both in my life and the counselor who listened to me with the intent to reply ended up betraying my trust on several levels because I didn't recognize until too late what they were doing. That's a lesson I always take away from this reminder as well. Listening to understand brings healing, listening to reply wounds.
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