The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. And the first to forget is the happiest. Unknown
Human nature is a funny thing. Not funny as in "ha ha" but funny as in humorless acknowledgement of how we behave. We want to be first in everything BUT the things that build our character and build relationships. It is then that we want to hold out and make the other person do the dirty work. The problem is the other person is holding out as well. Someone is going to have to be first.
Let me share a secret about being first in the things that matter.
Being first to apologize doesn't mean the other person is necessarily right. GASP.
Being the first to offer forgiveness doesn't mean that what the other person did is suddenly okay. GASP.
And being first to forget means that you have learned the fine art of letting go in order to live free. GASP.
See, we somehow have bought and lived the lie that being first to apologize and forgive means that whatever the other person said or did is suddenly okay and somehow by our apology and forgiveness we are validating their bad behavior. Not so. All an apology and offer of forgiveness does is show that you are willing to accept responsibility for your role - for the things you might have said that were hurtful, unnecessary, etc. Offering forgiveness means you are setting yourself free from holding a grudge and allowing it to grow from a small bitter seed into a large bitter tree. And then choosing to be the one to forget - because you have accepted responsibility for your role and offered forgiveness therefore setting yourself free - and move on to happier moments sets an example, a healthy example, of how to successfully work through conflict and resolve it. You've done your part, now you are free to forget and move on - whether the other person moves on with you or not. See, you are only responsible for yourself, not for them also. Show them by your actions and your behavior how they too can be first but don't take responsibility for making sure they do it. That's a whole other kind of jail cell.
Go for first and lead others there as well.
Human nature is a funny thing. Not funny as in "ha ha" but funny as in humorless acknowledgement of how we behave. We want to be first in everything BUT the things that build our character and build relationships. It is then that we want to hold out and make the other person do the dirty work. The problem is the other person is holding out as well. Someone is going to have to be first.
Let me share a secret about being first in the things that matter.
Being first to apologize doesn't mean the other person is necessarily right. GASP.
Being the first to offer forgiveness doesn't mean that what the other person did is suddenly okay. GASP.
And being first to forget means that you have learned the fine art of letting go in order to live free. GASP.
See, we somehow have bought and lived the lie that being first to apologize and forgive means that whatever the other person said or did is suddenly okay and somehow by our apology and forgiveness we are validating their bad behavior. Not so. All an apology and offer of forgiveness does is show that you are willing to accept responsibility for your role - for the things you might have said that were hurtful, unnecessary, etc. Offering forgiveness means you are setting yourself free from holding a grudge and allowing it to grow from a small bitter seed into a large bitter tree. And then choosing to be the one to forget - because you have accepted responsibility for your role and offered forgiveness therefore setting yourself free - and move on to happier moments sets an example, a healthy example, of how to successfully work through conflict and resolve it. You've done your part, now you are free to forget and move on - whether the other person moves on with you or not. See, you are only responsible for yourself, not for them also. Show them by your actions and your behavior how they too can be first but don't take responsibility for making sure they do it. That's a whole other kind of jail cell.
Go for first and lead others there as well.
My favorite post yet.
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