I'm stalled out. I've had a string of days where nothing particularly good, bad, or even in between happened that I haven't already mentioned in the previous 234 days. I feel like I am scraping the bottom of the barrel and nothing is coming up. How SAD is this? How SAD is it that I can't come up with something, not previously mentioned, to be grateful for? I'm behind four days at this point and I sit here thinking and drawing a total blank. Even leaning upon Ann Voscamp's Love Dares has me high and dry. Truth be told some of them require a little deeper thinking than I really want to do right now and some just don't...work for me. Has the well of gratefulness run dry? I certainly hope not. I can't imagine that it has. If it has then that is more SAD than being stalled out for a few days! This is the challenge of a 365, and for me in particular this theme of 365. The moments of having nothing to put out there, of not being inspired one iota, of searching for content and coming up empty handed are frustrating. I'm thinking of a scene (or two or three) in Julie & Julia (if you recall from waaaaaaaaaaaay back to my first 365 that is where this idea was born from - a friend who did it and then I jumped on as well) in which Julie has a meltdown because she can't truss up the chicken correctly. I feel a meltdown coming on when I'm staring at four days of being unable to verbalize any gratefulness for anything! But just like Julie has a breakthrough in the movie so I know at some point I will have a breakthrough as well. So until then.
I've been thinking about it for over a month. Usually, when I'm in it I'm engaged. But this time? I started it indifferent and I've felt indifferent all along. I should have never started. Hindsight is 20/20 they say and they aren't wrong. So when I opened my eyes this morning it was clear. It's time. Time to quit this 365. This is the first 365 that I haven't posted several of the days, the first 365 that I wasn't super excited about, the first 365 that I've quit. I've changed my social media presence and interactions the past year so this is also the first 365 that hardly anyone has been interested in. Is it the topic or my decision to not be as accessible on social media? Or is it some other reason altogether? Well, regardless...I'm throwing in the towel on this one. I can't say if I'll ever do another 365 again. Time will tell and I will know if and when it's time.
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