This is a backward kind of Gratitude Attitude. I have a coping habit that I developed way back in the day during a traumatic emotional time. And it is such a part of me now that a lot of times I don't realize I am engaging it and that something is even wrong. Why I am grateful for this coping habit is because it is an indicator to me and to others who know me well and know what it is that I am upset about something, worried about something, processing through something. So if I don't catch myself at it and someone who knows me well enough to know what I'm does then I can stop the coping and start the thinking and figuring out. It is rarely something upsetting on the surface of my life, it is usually something that is deep down and usually I am unaware of it until the coping habit shows up. I am not grateful for the literal damage this habit does to my physical body and I've tried multiple times over the years to stop but it is what it is, I've learned to just accept it. The other night I woke up around 1 or 2 am and I woke up engaged in this coping habit. In my sleep I was trying to cope with something! Oy. So I laid there for a minute and tried to think about what could be bothering me below the surface. I eventually got up and sat in my living room and thought and thought and I figured it out. Once I figure out what is bothering me the habit usually quiets down and I can tackle it. So while the coping habit is a little...weird? gross?...I'm grateful for it because it helps me stay tuned to my inner self and things that are unsettling me so I can address them.
"We realized that the important thing was not the film itself but that which the film provoked." Fernando Solanas
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