I don't remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child. Anne Lamott
Motherhood has been one of the biggest surprises in my life. It may even trump the surprises of marriage. Every year I say it has been the hardest or most challenging or most scary or most unnerving. Every year I say that! In the midst of mothering I lose sight of the rewards, a lot of days there doesn't feel like there are many. Perhaps there aren't. Perhaps the rewards are when the children are grown and out of the house and you have your distance from mothering them so intently and you can see what and who they have become, some as a direct result of your mothering. Every so often I am reminded of the rewards in the here and now. When I get an unexpected hug or kiss, when I get an understanding look on the days I am in tears for inexplicable reasons, when some stranger to our family approaches me and compliments me on the behavior and attitude of my redheaded wonders, when one or both of the redheads spout off some wisdom that tells me they are listening to me more than I realize.
Here's what I didn't know existed within me until motherhood happened: mama bear (I have one!), tears on the first and last days of school (I try to hide them from at least the oldest redhead but it's getting harder to keep them contained), a fear that I am going to mess them up (In my care for 18 years? So many opportunities for successes and failures!), nights laying awake praying for wisdom and grace, and the list could go on and on.
To love and to love well takes bravery. I didn't know I had that in me either. To love well is not for the faint of heart. To love well means that you confront the fears and don't allow them to drive your parenting. All of these things are contained in my heart. Sometimes I think I'm going to explode! Maybe that's what I didn't know existed prior to becoming a Mom. I didn't know the possibility that my heart might explode with love for two redheads existed and that I would walk around each day feeling like a ticking love bomb about to go off.
Motherhood has been one of the biggest surprises in my life. It may even trump the surprises of marriage. Every year I say it has been the hardest or most challenging or most scary or most unnerving. Every year I say that! In the midst of mothering I lose sight of the rewards, a lot of days there doesn't feel like there are many. Perhaps there aren't. Perhaps the rewards are when the children are grown and out of the house and you have your distance from mothering them so intently and you can see what and who they have become, some as a direct result of your mothering. Every so often I am reminded of the rewards in the here and now. When I get an unexpected hug or kiss, when I get an understanding look on the days I am in tears for inexplicable reasons, when some stranger to our family approaches me and compliments me on the behavior and attitude of my redheaded wonders, when one or both of the redheads spout off some wisdom that tells me they are listening to me more than I realize.
Here's what I didn't know existed within me until motherhood happened: mama bear (I have one!), tears on the first and last days of school (I try to hide them from at least the oldest redhead but it's getting harder to keep them contained), a fear that I am going to mess them up (In my care for 18 years? So many opportunities for successes and failures!), nights laying awake praying for wisdom and grace, and the list could go on and on.
To love and to love well takes bravery. I didn't know I had that in me either. To love well is not for the faint of heart. To love well means that you confront the fears and don't allow them to drive your parenting. All of these things are contained in my heart. Sometimes I think I'm going to explode! Maybe that's what I didn't know existed prior to becoming a Mom. I didn't know the possibility that my heart might explode with love for two redheads existed and that I would walk around each day feeling like a ticking love bomb about to go off.
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